Seeking support for yourself so you can connect with and support your children
There is no doubt that internet and video game addictions are on the rise in our society. Similar to other addictions, it isn’t the behaviour itself but rather the emotional needs that these behaviours are attempting to meet that we need to look into.
Even though sometimes you might feel devastated about your child’s problem with the internet or video games, there is still hope - and hope lies within the connection between you and your child. Through learning and understanding, you will be able to rebuild the bridge between you and get closer in touch with your child. You can also help your child get in touch with themselves and recognize the emotional needs that their problematic behaviours are trying to meet. Then they will be able to develop more effective behaviours to serve these emotional needs.
Call Carol to find more on how to rebuild the connection with your child.
When your child is diagnosed with a critical illness, you and your family are immediately placed under a high level of stress. It will likely affect your performance at work and put a strain on your relationships and your physical and mental health.
You will need to adjust your priorities. Here are a few things you can do to help yourself and support your child.
- Reassure your child that you are here for them and that you are dealing with this together.
- Depending on your child’s level of maturity, calmly talking to your child and providing them with relevant information about their illness can help them understand their physical condition and reduce their anxiety.
- Seek social support. Take an inventory of your current social support system. Make a list of family and friends you feel comfortable talking to. Find resources in your community, such as associations and peer support groups.
- Take care of yourself. As much as you want to make yourself available to your child, it is essential that you also look after yourself. For more information on self-care, click here.
- Seek counselling for yourself and/or your child. Call Carol for more information.
Social behavioural issues usually have underlying emotional causes. Your child is not doing what they’re doing just to be “bad” or “difficult.” The challenge here is that these children often have not yet developed the self-awareness and the emotional language to express themselves in more effective manners. Therefore, they often feel confused and frustrated or closed off and numb about what is going on with them and their surroundings. Their behaviours are then a result of these pent-up feelings.
This is an opportunity for you to learn and grow. There is no better person than you, the parent, to model and teach your child emotional understanding, self-regulation, and societal expectations. This learning requires your understanding of emotions (most of all, your own emotions) by connecting with yourself. This process can be difficult, as it can trigger issues that you had in your upbringing and your social relationships.
Call Carol to help you with this process of personal discovery and guide you through this tough journey to the centre of your being.
A cross-cultural relationship is a celebration of differences and integration. It takes courage and persistence. Like other relationships, it will grow and change as we do. A major challenge often arises when the couple first welcomes their next generation. Often, they need also additional support from their own parents.
Parents in a cross-cultural relationship also need to pay extra attention to their teens in helping them develop their own unique identities between cultures. What are the values and beliefs in your culture that you appreciate? What are those that you don’t follow or believe in? What are the values and beliefs in your partner’s culture that you appreciate? What are those that you could do without? How comfortable are you and your partner with sharing these with each other? How comfortable are both of you sharing these with your children? These are just a few of the general questions you might want to think about and discuss with one another.
For more understanding of differences between cultures, click here.
Separation and divorce can be the most stressful situation to happen in a family, even under an amicable, best-case scenario. You both have decided that it is the best for each other’s growth and, on some level, you believe that it is in your children’s best interest in the long run as well. Indeed, children have the best chance to thrive in a positive, fluid energetic environment. If their parents are no longer connected, it can be confusing and frustrating for children.
Your children need to know that no matter what happens, they are going to be loved, and looked after. As you are going through your own loss and grief, you might also experience guilt for that of your children.
As stressful as it will be, this is also an opportunity for everyone in the family to regroup their inner and outer resources and develop new connections amongst themselves and with their community.
For support during and after separation and divorce, contact Carol.
Support for parents
You may feel frustrated and guilty, and experience self-doubt and even anger. Yet, perceived from another point of view, those moments of frustration provide tremendous opportunities for personal growth and can be fertile for both you and your child.
The best any parent can do for their child is to be truly present. When you are really present, you have the best chance to connect with your child.
It sounds easy. Yet, what is it that prevents us from being truly present as a parent?
Maybe there are unresolved issues from our pasts that are triggered in our interactions with our children. Maybe we don’t even understand what it means to be truly present. Maybe we ourselves are facing demands and feeling pressures from all directions and feel that, at this stage of our lives, there are other priorities. Maybe we don’t understand the constant changes in both ourselves and our children.
Whatever the reason is, you are not alone. We and our children are all living in this fast-changing society. Though they may not give off the appearance, our children desperately need to connect with us. From connecting with us, they will learn to connect with themselves and the world. Your presence is the best gift you can give to your children.
For more tips on how to connect with your children, click here.